5.6.11

So what now....

So here you are....feeling rejected, alone and disgusted. No one could've ever told you that your life would be in such a mess. What do you do when your life has been turned upside down? Most would say pick up the pieces and keep on living. And while you have managed to keep moving on with life, it's nights like this you wish your mind would let you rest. You've played your relationship in your mind over and over again. Saying to your self, "if only" or "maybe if". You let his words cut you like  a knife and you begin to blame yourself for the demise of your relationship. You become insecure. You think you aren't good enough. You start believing you are getting everything you deserve.

It's something to know that you weren't in a healthy relationship to begin with, yet you decided to stay despite it all. You choose to ignore all the signs that God as placed directly in your face. You ignore the advice of friends. You start to ignore your intuition and your own common sense. You stick it out thinking "he's gonna change" or "he's gonna see that I'm a good woman" you might even say "I don't want to go through all this hell only for another woman to reap the benefits when he finally does straighten up". Whatever the excuse is, you stay. And you keep getting your heart broken. Until one day he decides he's done playing with you, and throws you away as if you never existed....



So what now....

Do you keep hope alive that maybe, just maybe he'll come back for you. So you wait till he comes to his senses. You keep looking for him to ride up to your front door on that white house as you guys ride off into the sunset. Or do you try to sabotage his current relationship with his new boo? "Warn" her what she's about to get herself into. Do you fall into the arms of another man, in hopes he can sex your pain away. Or do you drink yourself silly every other night so you don't have to think about him. What do you do to cope with the pain. How do you get over the man you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with.


What now...

You go through your emotions. Sadness, Depression, Anger, Resentment, Rejection. You still talk to him trying to get the answers he'll never give you. Without knowing it, you gave him full control over your life. You let your thoughts be consumed with him, what he's doing, who he's with. Is he even thinking about me? Does he even care he broke my heart.