The Misconception of Forgiveness….

When you believe in something and someone so much only to be let down over and over again...I mean just when you think it just couldn't get any worse, it does, and it's nothing you could ever fathom or imagine. But you continue to believe in hopes that one day change will come soon. Each time that person asks you to “forgive” them and each time you do. And as you hug that person, you know and they know that the behavior may be modified for a quick second, but they don’t change. They just find a more clever way to get away with it. The question is if you know and they know they aren't really going to change, then did you really forgive them? I mean think about it for a moment. If you still find yourself checking behind that person to make sure they are keeping their word then what did you actually forgive?

 Most people believe when you forgive someone, you put yourself at risk of being hurt again. Why? Because most people believe if you can forgive them then that person must deserve a second chance. People often get the two mixed up. You can give a person 20 million second chances yet never really forgive them. We say we forgive but a week later we find ourselves sitting in the bathroom checking that person’s phone, searching through that person’s car, asking why it took them 30 minutes to get home from work when it should’ve taken 15 minutes. What kind of forgiveness is that? The thing is what most people call forgiveness is really a second chance to “get it right”. And those twenty times that person asks for your forgiveness was really a “please place your hopes in me up on this chopping block so I can butcher them again”. So because we do this over and over and over again, our hearts become conditioned to grow colder and harder. Then either two things happen… that person leaves you…or you leave them. Either way the damage has been done. Now you are cold, distant and bitter. Your perception of love has been tainted so you keep everyone at arm’s length. The fact of the matter is if you really forgave the person as you said you did, you would have done so and let them go.

Yeah as in break up….

The thing about forgiveness is this….it’s less about the person you are forgiving and more about setting yourself free. If you know that this person is going to continue to do these bad behaviors then why not forgive and just cut your losses before it becomes collateral damage. There’s nothing wrong with loving and believing in a person, however if they have already proven that they aren't going to change then why waste your precious time? Love them from a distance, pray for them and continue on with your life.  I’m not saying that no one deserve second chances….not at all. In fact we all do, that’s why Jesus died on our behalf. But we aren't Jesus….you don’t have to die on the behalf of someone else. In other words, staying in a destructive relationship will eventually make you self destruct. It comes a point in time where we have to exercise some common sense when it comes to our own well being. Besides the last time I checked forgiveness never killed anybody…..

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